| When I was first looking to buy a Hummer, the salesman mentioned to me leather seats and wood grain interior options. I was actually considering it. After owning a hummer for a while, this has become a more realistic attitude.
How to detail a HUMMER:
Mix 4 lbs. redearth with 1 lb gray clay and 1.5 gal swamp or pond water. Apply with steel wool to all painted areas. Add sand, gravel, road dust and mud to all air vents, window and door moldings (save a few ounces for the air cleaner, fuel filters and tanks).
Liberally apply animal fat (properly rendered, hot summer preferred), or road kill juice to outside windows, mirrors and headlights. Inside window treatment--cigarette film, smudges and Dog drool. Dried blood, black ink or asphalt properly applied to the upholstery is a must. Soak floor mats liberally with with a mixture or 1 part each of ethyl alcohol, ethylene glycol (anit-freeze), diesel fuel, gear lube and motor oil (synthetics of coarse).
A large tree limb, old sewer pipe, or I-beam through the passenger window adds a nice touch. Scorching the rubber tires with a torch adds real class. Finish off by rubbing large stones over all painted surfaces and accent with a selection of dings and properly positioned dents.
EB Wilkinson & Michael B. Selig, MD, FACC.
mbs@itw.com
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